So it seems it's Mansoon season once again.
For those not familiar with the concept, Mansoon season is that time when, after months or even years of nobody giving you a second look, let alone the time of day, it's like you've suddenly turned into Megan Fox, inherited a brewery and won the lotto, all overnight. Seemingly every guy friend, random, old flame and Adidas-wearing guy with B.O. who sings to himself at the bus stop* has decided you're not so repulsive after all and they wouldn't mind spending some quality time with you. It's bewildering, flattering, and temporary.
I've even gone on two actual dates - almost like a grown-up! Not as cool as Ally's fancy restaurant date, of course, but still, dates.
Over the years, my gal pals and I have theorised endlessly as to why this phenomenon occurs. Is it the time of year? Some ancestral throwback to the best time for cave gentleman and cave ladies to make cave babies? Or does it happen because we've finally accepted we'll be alone forever, and nature has decided it would be a beautiful irony?
Whatever the reason, Mansoon season invariably ends the same way. Confronted with such a smorgasbord of choices, I end up deciding on none, pissing them all off and they all run away again and leave me drinking wine and talking to my cat.
With this in mind, I've going to get into my comfy pants, eat a steak and cuddle up on the couch with my kitty and a romantic comedy until the rain blows away and all is normal again. And because this has not been a very funny post, here are some NZDating one-line wonders for you.
HIM: hi want to fuck
ME: hi want to fuck off?
HIM: *WARNING TEXT ALERT* Jokes :P ummm text language... wait how would that work if i cant text you? aka message you here? damn i'm outta luck then i guess
ME: I guess you are.
HIM: I honestly would hope that after spending 4 years at Uni and obtaining a BA in Psychology as well as commencing a Masters, if I didn't know how to string a sentence together I'd be pritty pissed. I am a hot nerd. I know how to take care of myself and those around me. I just hope that because I'm 22 that you don't rule me out.
ME: Oh no. I ruled you out because you misspelled "pretty".
HIM: Keen 4 a fuck sexy
ME: Why yes! Do you have an attractive friend that wants to do me?
HIM: hello how are you and really you have two beautiful eyes
ME: Yeah, the third one is pretty ugly.
* I made this bit up. I think that guy thinks I'm weird.