The new normal

Looking at the date of my last entry, it's been more than three months. How rude! But blogging was part of 'normal' life, BQ. Along with walking to work, drinks with the girls at Liquidity, coffee and bagels on a Saturday morning and five-minute trips to the dairy for milk and eggs. 

Since February 22nd, life has felt like a particularly bad holiday. Sure, we still go to work, but it's from home, or from one of a dozen buildings, begging for a seat at any one of them and taking 20 minutes to start up the computer because it's downloading my whole profile to a machine I've never used before, and probably never will again. Milk and eggs require a trek to the supermarket. And for a while, even washing my tea-towels meant a half-hour walk to the one working laundromat anywhere near me. 

Entertainment was out. Either you had a house party, or you didn't catch up with anyone at all. After-work drinks with the girls? Ha! We were all working from different locations.

So that's my bitch about how life has been. Not that hard really, but gently depressing nonetheless. For a thrill, I did a photo-sequence of the DTZ building that housed my old dairy, being demolished. I'll post that next time. 

But things are looking up. The 'new normal' has settled into being. Yes, it takes me ages to go and get a loaf of bread. Yes, it's a 30 minute bus ride to get to work, and there are no cafes nearby. But I have a 'local' bar, and the girls are back together, and a semi-permanent place to park my laptop. And the countdown is on for Cashel Mall to reopen with shipping-crate shops in November. 

Even my singleness is back in action. Vampire Boy gave me the flick again - this time in a text message saying "I've met someone else." Wanker. It snowed on the day he did it. I made a snow cock-and balls and then smashed it. Take that, snow effigy.

Sooooooo... speaking of relationships. Check out the below video - it gave me my first belly-laugh in a long, long time. The guy is hilarious!

 

And he's cute, too.

If you liked that one, check out some of his others - 'MK loves the ladies' is another of my favourites, and guaranteed to delight and offend.

And because it's been a while and we're on that subject already... some NZDating fun for you!

27 year old Male from Canterbury seeking Friendships

HIM: nice photo, would u like to have your... eaten out?
HIM: Hmmm, not looking for much other than mutual satisfaction & relief... what are you looking for tonight?
ME: My keys. Have you seen them?

41 year old Male from Canterbury seeking Relationships

HIM: a bag over your head would be a good start haha
HIM: whow i nearly fell out of my seat when i saw your main pic you are a very hot sexy lady hi hows your weekend been ps was sorting out my camping gear today.
HIM: *photo*
HIM: hi are you keen to met 4 a coffee tuesday
ME: No.
HIM: ok did i say some thing
ME: No, sorry, just not interested.
HIM: so we were chatting fine have you suddenly had a persionality transplant or are you just a moody cow
HIM: hahaha i wounder why your still single could it be because your a total bitch hahahha
HIM: *blocks me*

Pinny Nation!

Last weekend I did something I hadn't done in a long, long time... I took a holiday.

A real life girls' weekend, like normal people take! We drove to Geraldine (huge thanks to Emma for letting us invade her family holiday place!) and got stuck straight into the wine.

There was a catch, however... this was not just any girls' weekend - this was the Pinny Nation girls' weekend. That's right. I sewed.

Those of you who know me will be gasping with shock and horror right now. The most domestic thing I do is occasionally swipe at the bathroom sink when the toothpaste ickies get too thick. I can't cut in a straight line (I even failed at colouring-in when I was five). And if you've ever thrown me something breakable, you'll know that I have no hand-eye co-ordination whatsoever.

Still, this was a rite of passage... it had to be done.

Sure, it took many hours of swearing like a sailor, many more G&T's, and my fingertips resembled colanders filled with tomato, but in the end, I had a pinny!

The pinny of amazingness

Try not to look too closely - the pockets have holes in them, and I kept cutting the blue ribbon tape too short so there are bits kind of tacked on here and there to fill the gaps. Shut up. It's a pinny. And I made it.

With that done, we wore our pinnies around town and then got more drunk and ate lots. It rained and the yard flooded so we drank more.

The outdoor bath doubles as a rowboat when required

A 'Pinny Nation' flag was made but the sequins fell off so to fix it there was more wine. And we did facials too. Don't smoke with a tinfoil mask on your face. Don't ask why - just don't. Trust me.

I liked the paraffin bath that made my hands look like they were dead. It was satisfyingly creepy.

Braaaaaiiiiiins!

In honour of Pinny Nation, and my newfound seamstress goddess status, I give you a sewing-themed NZDating conversation (as always, completely real).

28 year old Male from West Coast seeking Relationships

HIM: hey there hows it gong? just wondering have ya got webcam?

ME: Hi there! Yes, I do. Do you have an 1889 vintage Singer sewing machine with treadle?

HIM: yeah i do u should add me on msn if your up for some fun or like to watch

ME: You'd let me watch you sew? On camera?

HIM: yep if your keen add me st*********22@windowslive.com im keen as hun

ME: It depends. What are you going to be sewing?

HIM: my cock hun
r u going to add me hun

ME: Interesting... so what'll it be? A wee foreskin dress so you can put makeup on it and pretend it's a little girl puppet?

HIM: yeah honey thats the one

ME: What colour thread are you using? This is important.

HIM: white i think

ME: Oh, no. Sorry, I'll give it a miss.