For auld lang syne, my friend

I think that I'm officially over new  years.

Logically, there should be nothing terribly special about the beginning of a new year. I'm fairly convinced that years actually only exist because somewhere, lost in the mists of history, stationery stores were struggling. Some enterprising young sales assistant was suddenly hit with an "Aha!" moment and dropped the pile of stone tablets inscribed with Dan Brown's latest flop he'd been dusting to run and tell his boss.

"Boss, boss!" he cried. "I've figured out a way to save us all! Why don't we cut up the time periods into these things called "years"? We could then break it down into "months" and then "days"."

The boss thought he was crazy, and prepared to feed him to a lion which happened to be browsing the computer consumbables aisle.

"But don't you see?" pleaded the salesman. "Everyone would have to buy this thing called a "calendar", every year, just to keep track of the days, months and years. We'll have gold for Africa!"

"What's Africa?" puzzled the boss, and fed the salesman to the lion anyway. But he did take the idea and run with it, and he did indeed make piles and piles of gold, which kept him in good spirits until his death five years later when a stack of stone calendars he'd forgotten to take down fell off his wall and crushed him like a bug.

Anyway.

Since the dawn of the current millenium, new years have without fail brought something bad. Perhaps I accidentally stepped on the wrong reincarnated-wizard-spider that year. Who knows? Either way, something has it in for me during the holiday season.

Last year, I was so sick I thought I was going to die. Missed all the barbeques and parties and everything. This year, I thought, I'll make up for it and party myself stupid. (It would perhaps have been helpful if someone had informed me I didn't need to party, the deed was already done). Instead I saw in 2011 watching episodes of M*A*S*H and drinking a glass of milk and tears. 

For those of you who haven't been following my whiny emo Facebook statuses lately, me and vampire boy are now quits. So instead of having fun in the sun with not a care in the world, I find myself unable to eat or sleep or keep mascara in place. Wah.

So, I have come up with a plan. There will be no 2012. This time twelve months hence, I will be dating my forms 3/13/2011. Twenty-four months from now, it'll be 3/25/2011. The plan is infallible.

Who's with me?

About A Boy

Whoa. It turns out it's been a while since I've blogged. I could whine about killing my computer (I'm sure it was traumatised by the earthquake - nothing to do with the way I treat my laptops... honest). Or I could say it's all your fault for not commenting on my posts to make me feel loved. Really though I've just been lazy. Also I've been kissing a boy.

Yes, I finally got conned into being in 'a relationship'. He makes me coffee in the mornings. Never underestimate the power of coffee over a girl's heart. Plus his Mum likes me. That was enough of a novelty to make me curious.

Nah. Seriously I like him because he's a vampire. All the kids tell me that's so 'in' right now.

Never fear, however! I still have my NZDating profile (albeit with an updated 'relationship status'). I know it's the only reason anyone reads these things. 

So, some things you missed over the past two months:

HIM: I just signed up to this thing and your the first message Ive sent. Your profile made me laugh, and you had me writting a message right after the part where you own books without pictures, Im an american so I dont know how to read. Im visiting your country this summer for two or three months. I live in alaska, im not as blond as you, 33yrs old, am a little better looking than you, and like to joke around and have fun. I dont know if this is going to go through so Ill keep it short, ohh im two meters tall plus a tiny bit.
ME: Ahahahaha, you think you're attractive. You're right. You do like to joke around.

HIM:  lol wat about idiots that can read . mm you're pretty sexy . ive seen you online alot . just didnt have the balls to message ya . wat part of town ya from ? hope to hear back from ya . oh and if ya want a pic i can send one via cell
ME: I'm from hidingfromyouville. It's a great suburb. Lots of people here.

HIM: a little puzzled Ok you seem great, interesting and funny but you are in a relationship. Also please explain what a semi-colon is? Sounds messy...id rather let a doctor deal with that....i have a whole intact colon so im fine.
ME: So... if I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't be great, interesting and funny? Last time I checked, the two states were not mutually exclusive. Hope this clears up the puzzlement.

HIM: hey. how are you? my name's stu.. am 29. i'm into having a good time... enjoy sport's. i am the youngest of four. and have five nephew's. would you like to chat. and go from there?
ME: Hi. I have a boyfriend and know where the apostrophe goes. Here's a clue: it's not in the doughnut.