11 February 2011

Love is in the air

It's that time of year again, when everyone either whines about participating in the commercialism of love or whines about not participating in the commercialism of love. Ironically, no one ever seems to be particularly happy about Valentines Day, which is apparently supposed to be all about celebrating happiness.

I, of course, don't have a valentine of my own this year. If you believe the BBC, this is most likely because I have a cat. I've put together a short video to rectify this situation. 

So hot right now.

I'm quite certain commercialised demonstrations of love will begin pouring in any moment now. Maybe I'll land this stunner.


Oh wait! here come the messages already!

32 year old Male from Southland seeking Friendships
HIM: when you say you have ridiculos high standards does that mean you expect high levels of ridiculos behaviour or that you are ridiculos to high standard??
ME: It means I'm ridiculously sure on how to spell ridiculous.

30 year old Make from Canterbury seeking Friendships
HIM: hey u a bisset??lol
ME: Oh yes, Jacqueline is my grandmother's cousin or something, twice removed.
HIM: what??u tonis sister??
ME: I'm not familiar with Utonis, I'm afraid... is it anywhere near Brighton? I do so love Brighton in the summer.
HIM: haha bumcheeck.whgat yr number ??if wana meet??chat
ME: Although I consider myself rather intellectual for my sex, I cannot make head nor tail of your code. I'm frightfully sorry; may I have a clue?
HIM: u maybe silly but thats your enigma of understanding of life not mine bye
ME: ...

36 year old Male from Canterbury seeking Friendships
HIM: naughty little sausage
ME: But it goes so nicely between some buns.
HIM: ouch that might hurt a bit.. hope you aren't too rough
ME: Nah. Bit of pickle balances the flavour.
HIM: ...with a little hot sauce?
ME: Yes. I also like to add mayonnaise.
HIM: ... perhpas some light bondage as well ..some spanking across a gentle mans lap.. before being hoisted over his shoulder?
ME: You want to beat up my lunch and carry it away? How cruel!
HIM: cruel can be so sweet though... but really just to loosen it up and take it upstairs where there's a nicer place to eat
ME: But where are you taking my midday repast?
HIM: not too far... bound and gagged and in stiletto thigh boots, stockings, suspenders and a corset..heels high in the air and your mouth kept wet, kissed and sucked repast is never far away
ME: My poor hot dog. :(
HIM: awh.. some sweet penis in your meow moew and bottom won't hirt little hotdog.. hotdog can also have other scenarios where hot dog gets to dance and swing on chandaliers etc
ME: ...Did you really just say 'meow meow'...?!

29 year old Male from Canterbury seeking Friendships
HIM: Are you called Irulan because of Dune?
ME: Of course not. There was this interesting time-travelling jaunt I did once - met this dude called Frank, and you know how it goes... one thing led to another, it was all intense for about 36 hours, I left because I'd promised Jane Austen a visit - well, I get back to my own time eventually, browse a bookshop, and found he's named the wee Bene Gesserit lass after me! Originally she was called Chloe.

So... which one should I choose?


  1. No comments? Come on guys, show me some love...

  2. Your posts are funny. I hesitated in posting a comment least your wit be turned on me.

    I do cringe for the guys a little bit.

    I would say that becuase you are being approached the same way every time, there must be some women out there that just run with the conversation so the guys think thats an appropriate way to act.

    There must be a business opportunity in there somewhere to raise the level of conversation or maybe not.

    The 2nd video, that guy is a keeper and I am sure he will get there in the end. I do like that he keeps the mystery alive.

    I do want to meet the guy who has the enigma of understanding of life. Because I suspect that the secrets of the universe are locked within his mind.

    Have a great week, hope you find your house owning basketball player who can see the inner beauty.

    p.s. 'meow meow' hilarious

  3. Third time lucky hopefully in posting a comment.

    Love the video's guys. I can't understand why you are both single :)

    That guy is really a keeper with his honesty and big....well we'll just leave that comment there.

    Maybe if he is unsuccessful he could eat the hotdog that is being offered to you ;-)

    Very Funny :)

  4. Methinks the last one has VERY blue eyes!
    Classic video...still larffn me ed orf!