18 June 2010

The NZDating Experiment

So, let's kick this off with a tale of woe. Last Friday night at the obligatory after-work drinkies, a friend of mine was brutally honest with me. "Oh," she said "blah blah's not interested in you." (blah blah being my latest ill-conceived crush). I wasn't surprised. My track record with men over the past year has been abysmal.

Hung-over and teary-eyed the next morning, I decided to try some brutal honesty of my own. Who hasn't heard of NZDating? I figured I'd cheer myself up with a little entertainment. Long story short, I created a profile no man in his right mind would ever want to click on, under the pseudonym "Irulan" (the rejected princess from Dune... oh, I really am a geek!). And here it is:

Burnt carrots don't have legs

Ah, great, a chance to talk about myself. I love doing that almost as much as I love cleaning the loo and killing giant spiders.

I'm a chainsmoking crazy cat lady who hates to clean, isn't very good at cooking and is selfish and a wee bit mean sometimes. I have a B.Com, can spell, own books that don't have pictures in them and really love sarcasm.

I detest long walks on the beach and really like nights at the pub where I drink a bit too much and say whatever comes into my head, no matter how inappropriate it is.

I write poetry and sad songs which I strum on my guitar when I suddenly remember I haven't picked it up in three months and feel guilty for neglecting it.

I'm practically married to my work and frankly I'm damn good at it. I'm a commitment-phobe, easily bored by people, like spending time alone and hypocrisy is my greatest virtue.

Queue forms to the left. No pushing.

The important characteristics I'm looking for:

I have ridiculously high standards - i.e. an IQ above that of a lemur, good hygiene and an appreciation for music and the written word. I like hot nerds. Not the little candy things that come in two colours in the little paper box that you've for some reason put in the microwave; actual hot nerds.

Knowing how to use a semicolon would be a bonus. Be warned, I won't reply to your message if it's in txt language.

Watch this space for the hilarity that ensued. You're in for a treat!

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