29 year old man seeking women for friendships
HIM: hows it going.keen for some fun baby
ME: Fun! Ooh, I love fun! Do you think we could go a poetry recital? They're always fun.
HIM: you look so yummy,id love to lick you baby all nite.
ME: How will you recite poetry if you're licking me? It would come out all "Mhuhuhmmemm. Arhghgh."
HIM: i wanna smell your pussy and lick it baby
ME: I don't think she'd be ok with that. I know she licks herself to get clean, but cats have special tongues that act like towels as well.
HIM: id love to slide my thick brown cock in you baby
ME: Yeah, see, I'm not sure my cat would get along with poultry either. If your cock is quite big, she possibly couldn't eat it, but they'd still get into a scrap and it would be awkward and unpleasant for everyone. I'm thinking possibly we're not a very good match for each other after all.
HIM: let me just lick you baby and make you orgasm.you make me so horny.
ME: I'm beginning to think we're misunderstanding each other.
HIM: ok sweet as
HIM: can i see a photo of your pussy
35 year old professional man seeking women for friendships
HIM: nice how r u
HIM: how r u
HIM: how r u>>>
ME: gd hw r u
HIM: awesome u look sooooooooooooooooooo hott u single???
ME: No. I'm actually married to a very rich businessman.
HIM: pity love to date u!!!u can see someone else???
ME: My husband goes away on business a lot. He's very rich and important.
HIM: awesome so we could meet??? u look damm hot
ME: I guess maybe we could, but I have to tell you that I'm very superstitious. I'd have some conditions. Are you ok with that?
HIM: sure what are they--also wouldnt ask for sex--
love to chat to u and get to know you
ME: Bad spirits that my jealous husband called forth follow me round and spy on me. So there'd be a cleansing ritual to go through before we met.
HIM: sure --would u be open to sex???
ME: I would need you to go to the top of the Port Hills at least one hour before I arrived. You'd need to start a campfire. Bring lots of fresh sage, some lavender cut under the light of a full moon, and a blue candle.
HIM: sure-- are you open to sex???
ME: Crush some of the sage between your hands and then sprinkle it on the fire. Pass the lavender flowers through the flame until they are singed. Then rub the charred flowers all over your body.
HIM: lovely--u want me naked whist I do it??? will it remove hair on my body???
ME: Naturally, and yes it will burn your hair off. I hope you're ok with that. Next you'll light the blue candle and burn more sage in its flame whilst chanting an incantation.
HIM: Hair on head?? or just Body hair--when u come will I be naked?? will u??? would we embrace on the hill???
ME: You need to repeat these words loudly, in a commanding voice, ten times whilst walking clockwise round the campfire, holding the candle and burning the sage:
"I am a douchebag because I tried it on with a married woman."